Monday, April 13, 2009

Your phone records available online

It might not matter if you spend all your time chatting with Grandma, but if you're an undercover gang officer on the streets of Chicago, you've got a new, serious problem.

The Internet makes everything better—and if you don't believe me, just ask Chicago private investigator Ernie Rizzo, who routinely goes online to track down cell phone records. They help him answer such burning questions as whether a suburban police chief is having an affair, the answer to which is worth quite a bit of money to the police chief's wife. To Rizzo, such tools are like manna from heaven.

"I would say the most powerful investigative tool right now is cell records," Rizzo said. "I use it a couple times a week. A few hundred bucks a week is well worth the money."

Most people believe that their phone records are confidential, but it turns out that they are easily available to anyone with an Internet connection, a credit card, and US$150 to burn. Not even Canadian Privacy Commissioner Jennifer Stoddart is safe, as she found out in November when a reporter obtained both her personal and professional phone logs from a US-based company. The situation has gotten so bad that both the FBI and the Chicago Police Department have warned agents and undercover officers about the dangers posed by cell phones when the records are so easily available to criminals, gangsters, and terrorists. This has been a problem for some time (we covered it, in fact, a few months back), but it's now coming to the attention of the major media.

How, you ask, is this possible? Aren't your cell phone records private? The short answer is no—the Electronic Privacy Information Center (EPIC) last August identified more than 40 web sites that offer to sell calling records without the knowledge of the person making the calls. Verizon is suing several of these companies in court, but their actions are currently little more than a drop in the bucket.

How these web sites get this information is even more interesting. Three main ways are used to obtain the data: pretexting, hacking, and good-old-fashioned bribery. Pretexting is simply the art of social engineering, in which the online data broker calls the phone company and gains access to a customer's records by pretending to be that customer. This is made easier by the fact that most of these data brokers subscribe to other databases that give them access to customers' Social Security numbers, dates of birth, etc. Hacking is another popular option, especially now that most phone companies allow customers to manage their accounts online. Many customers never bother to set up these accounts, leaving them easy targets for determined hackers. Finally, when all else fails, throw money at the problem. Big payouts to individuals inside the phone companies can ensure that a data broker has access to any records it cannot get through other means.

Not surprisingly, the phone companies want the government to stay out of the matter; they would prefer to avoid regulation at all costs. This is why BellSouth, Verizon, AT&T (formerly SBC), and the industry group CTIA all favor increased law enforcement activity, but don't want to see any new regulation or legislation. Whatever your stance on government regulation, it does appear that at least one bit of legislation is necessary. As Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY) points out, pretexting is only illegal when financial information is involved, and is not currently outlawed when it comes to phone records. Schumer's state recently passed a strict new data protection law, but we still have nothing like this at the national level. Has the time for the long-delayed federal data protection law finally come?

Marriage Problems: 50 Ways to Cause Fear and Shame


I've posted before - and with Pat Love have written a book about - the ancient fear-shame dynamic that secretly undermines intimate relationships. To briefly recapitulate, usually subtle (but sometimes obvious) anxiety or fear in one partner triggers shame-avoidant behavior (withdrawal or anger) in the other, and vice versa.

Near the end of our three-day boot camps for highly distressed couples, I ask the men to list all the ways they are likely to make their partner anxious or afraid without meaning to and the women to list all the ways they are likely to stimulate shame in their partners with no intention to do so. Amazingly, the more than 600 participants have come up with lists very close to what Pat and I first brainstormed when we were discussing the book. (We have to admit that our prescience came after years of looking in all the wrong places - childhood wounds, communication patterns, etc. - for why couples have such a hard time connecting even when they do everything right.)

25 ways to make a woman anxious

• Ignore her
• Tell her what to do
• Be short with your answers
• Tune out her feelings
• Stonewall or give her the cold shoulder
• Take her for granted
• Limit or criticize her spending
• Tell her stop worrying
• Tell her she's making too much of it
• Tell her to get over it
• Tell her she talks too much
• Complain about her weight
• Criticize her family
• Withdraw or shut down
• Yell or get angry
• Pout or sulk
• Threaten to quit your job
• Flirt with other women
• Don't know her dreams
• Tell her she's just like her mother
• Complain about her girlfriends
• Give her the cold shoulder
• Dismiss her ideas
• Sound like you're trapped in the marriage
• Buy a sports car

25 ways to stimulate shame in a man

• Exclude him from important decisions
• Correct what he says
• Question his judgment
• Give unsolicited advice
• Dismiss his opinion
• Imply inadequacy
• Make unrealistic demands of his time and energy
• Overreact
• Ignore his desires
• Focus on what you didn't get, rather than what you got
• Withhold praise
• Use a harsh tone
• Be abrupt - spring things on him
• Undermine his wishes
• Condescend
• Criticize his personality
• Disrespect his work
• Show little or no interest in his interests
• Criticize his family
• Interpret, psychoanalyze, or diagnose him
• Make comparisons to other men
• Focus on your unhappiness
• Put friends before him
• Value others' needs over his
• Rob him of the opportunity to help

The majority of lovers crash into each other's vulnerabilities accidentally. But in the case of verbal abuse, intentional abusers seem to know intuitively where the jugular is. A verbally abusive man is likely to make his wife feel afraid of harm, isolation, or deprivation. A verbally abusive woman is likely to make her husband feel like a failure as a provider, protector, lover, or parent.

But lovers also know intuitively how to help and support one another. The primary regulators of both fear and shame are support and connection. That is what people provide for each other during courtship that makes them fall in love. It is what they must provide in marriage to keep the fear-shame dynamic from destroying it.